Today...

I had a complete blog worthy moment.

I haven't felt too important this past week or two.

Just upset in general. Drama with some of my family that just makes me sad. And the realization that I'm nearly 20 and I haven't accomplished anything very big with my life. I'm a babysitter. Who lives at home. My best friend is my mom and a 3 and 1 & a half year old. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but you know... You cant tell your mom about your sex life (or lack thereof) because thats just a little awkward, no matter who you are.

So anyways. The point of this blog. Is this little girl...

Today, we had a family party. I'm terrible at hiding my emotions. All it takes is one person, to say one wrong thing, And I have my angry face on. And it doesn't even have to be on that day. It could have been a week ago. And not even directed at me. Its not healthy. And I need to find a better way to deal.

So I'm standing there, with my angry face.

And Zely sees me, out of the many people around. And she runs up to me, and reaches up for me to pick her up. So I do, and she kicks her legs all excited, and she hugs me. And then her little face looks up into mine, and she says to me

"mine"

and she kisses my arm. And she wiggles out of my arms, and runs to the living room screaming "go!" at the dog.

And in that moment, everything was better. And I had one of those moments where you are just so happy that you know life isn't all that terrible, and it could be worse. I could be homeless or something.

Its 1.....AM....

And I can not sleep.

Stupid sleeping pills.

But its ok because tomorrow is friday and I can sleep all I want.

My Looooovely, oh so awesome, Tia told me I better get to blogging so she has something to read while she's at work. Because who actually works at work, right? hehe

Only thing is I never have anything I really want to say here. Because its to easy to offend someone and then I'd feel bad. So, from now on, its a picture blog. If I have a picture that I really love, I'll post that, with the story that goes along.

That way I entertain my Tia (because I love you) and I get to brag about how good life really is sometimes.

Just something to keep me from dying of boredom. I guess.

This one doesn't have a story, she's just freakin cute.

I feel like I should start out my blog with ''Dear Readers,"
Not exactly sure why.

I went to take a placement test at SAC (our community collage) and I now have an official student ID. Whaaaat! Pretty badass, huh? I actually did really good on everything. Except math. I failed that miserably.
I kind of expected that though so I wasn't very upset over it.
Afterwards, Alaina & I went downtown to just hang out. I looooove downtown, that's where all the tourists are. I don't understand why people get so fussy over tourists. I love to see all the different people, and Imagine the kind of adventures they are having, the exciting feelings that come along with being in a new place. We went to the Rivercenter mall Where I found these...

And yes, I actually went to the hot topic website to look it up, just incase someone wanted to buy them for me. No? Fiiiine.
And I finally found my rose incense! Victorian Rose...Soooo pretty.
And Then we went to McDonalds, Its the dirtiest one in the city...Bet you didn't know that! I don't know why I always tell everyone that. You would think the most popular one would be the cleanest but nope...
I was going to buy a homeless guy a burger, But I forgot. Down town is also where most of S.A.'s homeless people hang.

I suppose I should go to sleep...I have to be up early, I'm going to breakfast with my Abuelito & Dad. Then to the thrift store.

Its been two months since I've posted anything...I actually had to look up my password.

I'm so tired. Its baby central over here, I have

LOUIS

Who tricked me into our relationship!! He's the sweetest boy when you don't really know him. But then once he's on that comfortable level, the little monster comes out. He's definitely entertaining though. If you tell him to ''pick up his booty" he does a little dance. I watch him everyday from 7-5...

And theres

ZELY

Who is growing up :( I get her every wednesday, to give her grandma (my aunt) a break. She is sooooo freakin funny. My mom has these little people, they were toys of hers when she was little, and the kids absolutely love to play with them. Zely puts them on her finger, and then walks around going ''hi....hi....hiiiiiiii'' lol. And shes such a drama queen (what? Drama Queen, in THIS family? omg..).

But there is also

BABY V

Who I visit any chance that I get. She's growing up too...That girl talks more that I thought possible "Ryan, i'm gonna have the party, and theres gonna be movies, and toys, and babies, and hugs & kisses, and toys, and all for me! And cupcakes! For me! Baby valencia, cause its my party" And on and on and on...My baby girl. She told her grandpa he could come, but he had to bring her a present. I couldn't stop laughing. Shes turning three, on the 19. I get to babysit her tomorrow I think..

AND THEN!

You think that would be it. But nope, one more...

Thumper, my bunny. Is driving me absolutely insane. He needs to be fixed, but I havent found a vet that will do it. The last one I called was 200 dollars. For a free rabbit. Uhhhmmm...No? I can't afford that! Sooo I have to do some more calling around and see whats up. He keeps trying to mark his territory on my bed, He's succeeded quite a few times. Thank god for steam cleaners.

Thats really it.

I'm trying to get back in with Toys for Tots..It was always so much fun, I miss it.

Annnnd, My new obsession is making cupcakes. I learned how to make fondant :)

Thats it. I suppose you haven't really missed to much in two months, have you?

I have millions of complaints and much more whining to do, But that wouldn't exactly go with the theme of the entry.
ohmygod. my cat just whacked me in the eye with her tail.

anyways,

The reason for this entry is Movie Night Friday at the party house...

"dude check it out you're mom brought us cookies and juice boxs!"

"score! Lets get this movie started!"

There will be a video of the dancing that went on as soon as I cant get it working.

This Saturday will have been one year since Zely was born.
Its sad to see how much my baby girl has grown. And good to see How life is changing for her mom, and her dad, who is finally stepping up and being responsible.

Its crazy to think one year ago, I as helping kristy through one of the most difficult and scary things we've ever been though. All the amazing emotions that went on. All the blood and "oh my god i'm gonna be sick" body shaking moments.But It was one of the most amazing moments in my life, holding her for the first time. Seeing her actually come into this world. It amazes me.

Now here we are, a year later, I have a goddaughter to spoil rotten. She's become my best friend, And I think I'm hers. Depends on whether or not theres food in my hand. I've got to help set up for her party which should be fun. Its on Saturday.

And Friday i spend the day with her, so that's awesome. I'm gonna give her presents and a little cupcake. Cause I know she'll be thrilled about the cupcake lol.

I miss him.

I hadn't planned on writing about him here. I didn't wanna be sad every time i came to my journal but I think he deserves it. He was my first baby. I have my cat Cha-Cha and my dog Gordo...But mom takes care of them. Sparky was the first pet that was all mine, my responsibility. And I failed horribly. Its silly to go on and say ''well we had good times, and thats what matters'' cause that really doesn't help the fact that he died. It sucks. He was always happy to see me. He'd walk to the front of the cage when he saw i was there and just wait for me to pick him up. I miss that.

I plan on getting another turtle, because as completely psycho as it sounds, It gave me some sort of importance, to have him depend on me. But it wont be for a little while.

I buried him in a box that held one of my biggest dreams, right by moms rose bushes.
Now he gets to eat all the grapes and strawberries he wants with no fear of constipation. That's heaven for him.

Look at how gorgeous that child is.

Its just not fair.

I look at baby pictures of me and my cousins when we were babies. Sure we were cute. But I looked like a boy for the first 4 years of my life and kristy had a serious drooling problem.

Oh well. I get to brag about having the most beautiful niece.

Ugh.

I lost ANOTHER one.

Stupid Idiotic Party boys.
I'm over it.

I cried for a day and decided it wasn't really worth it..It was only a month, Not like we had history or anything. AND he did it over the phone.

And so the search begins...
Not really, I don't want a boyfriend anymore.
Me and Kristy made this list, when i was feeling a little shity, and I'm going to post it here. So When i feel like whining again I can read it and go 'ooohhhh yeah'

The Pros

-He's forced to listen to you talk about stupid shit like how your foot itches because if he doesn't you can throw a huge fit.
-He buys you things...unless hes broke or cheap in which case this one doesn't apply
-He calls you baby
- Attention

The CONS!

-He acts different around his friends.
-He's broke or cheap.
-He's lazy.
-You cant smile at the cute boy at HEB.
-You have to tell them what you're doing all the time.
-He forgets to text.
-He rarely call when they say they will.
-You have to worry about sharing time with your family AND your boyfriend.
-You have to laugh at jokes that really aren't that funny.

So THERE.
Until I can find a guy who doesn't do any of those things, I refuse to be in a relationship. I'm young and I have plenty of time to waste. That's probably not true. Give me two months.

Mothers day went pretty ok...Since the moms couldn't work and I was the only cousin with no life, and men are completely incapable, I pretty much got put in charge. I made beans, rice, potato salad, and corn and dad made the meat. Everything came out good too :) I bought mom some outfits and a movie. I bought my aunt a necklace and my abuelita a purse, and Kristy, since it was her first mothers day, I went big and got her a six flags pass, to which she went 'yes! god i love being a mom!'
lol.

Ummmm

Hey babes.

Sup?

I'm bored.

Lupe...My car, my baby, my life, my love, my escape...Is very very sick.
Shes getting horrible fevers (over heating. though that was my fault)
And her eye sight is horrible. In fact she needs eye surgery, as my dad was driving on the freeway and her eye fell out. It was quite tragic. Please pray for her, She needs good wishes.

On other, less solemn news, I bought myself the most kick ass disney princess coloring/sticker book.
It gives me hope that someday I'll meet my man,while wearing an ugly poofy dress while singing to the birds and scrubbing the floor.
It could happen.


This picture makes me happy. Shes so silly. She makes my day. We went to dinner together and I told her i loved her and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. The sweetest two year old ever.

I gots me a new crush.
Yeah baby.
Annnnnnnnd.
I got my drivers license!!! Do the happy dance with me!!

Lots has been going on, my little brothers best friend moved away, his dad is in the military. I know that situation all to well, never having a best friend around for more than two years, I was a military brat. Adrian came into my room trying not to cry and then just sat there while I hugged him still trying not to cry. I was a little sad too. He was a sweet kid, equally as nerdy as adrian.

So to cheer him up, i told him we'd have a sleep over, with a shit load of candy and junk food, and we'd watch a movie. He wasn't that thrilled.
But then he saw me come home with a 6 pack of canned coke (his favorite) and a bunch of other stuff that really isn't healthy, and he got excited. It was cute. We made a deal to have a movie night once a month. Alex even got into it and watched the movie with us...which is a rare occasion. He'd prefer to be doing his own thing most of the time.

Its spring break for kristy so she spent three nights over here, her mom was painting and there was no where for them to sleep. It was fun having them over, i missed it. We watched high school musical 3 (I sooo didn't pick that one.) and nick and norahs infinite playlist. I took her to get her drivers license and she passed!!!It was sweet cause when i dropped her off back home she gave me an extra kiss and said thank you, sincere moments like that are rare for her. So it made me feel good.

Yesterday i had to go over and pick up the steam cleaner (stupid dog...) and she wasn't there, so i called and she was all ''yeah i'll be there soon, don't mess with my panties!!" so of course i went into her room and hung up a bunch of panties on her ceiling fan. Then left before she got there. And i guess her boyfriend had gone in there to put the baby in her crib, but he didn't notice..Kristy was all "I saw them and i was thinking omg please dont look up"
heehee.

& a picture of Zely. Cause she's cute.

Ugh.


I got my heart broken :(
He cheated on me. And then just completely just stopped talking to me.
Who the hell does that? Like as much as they fight for you to trust them, and then one day wake up and decide 'no nevermind'?
Oh well, that's really all i can say. As long as he thinks he didn't hurt me, I want him to think he didn't mean that much to me.

And my idiot ex jackass came back telling me i was to old to hold a grudge.
No....I'm not :)
When I stop dressing up for Halloween then I'll be to old.

My job is about to lay me off. Which is actually a relief. I loved my job but I hated the people I worked with. When the youngest one in the group is acting like the adult you know you have some problems. One of the ladies I work with though is gonna pay me 12 dollars an hour to watch her two boys (both under 7...I'm scared.) two days a week.

I don't know. Life is stressful. I haven't really talked to any of my friends. I feel like an annoyance. So I keep to myself.
I'm sad and disgusted with this last relationship.
Everyone is pushing me to get my life started. I have no clue how to, Or that i even want to.

At the moment the only thing that brings me real happiness is my niece. She's gotten so big, And she's so funny. Her smile makes me crack up, but her sad face is even funnier, and she has so much to say. She looks exactly like Krissy when Krissy was a baby.

OhMyGosh.
I'm so freakin tired. I'm a zombie.
Everyone feels the need to point out the fact that I look like crap...Thanks guys.

My panic attacks are more frequent. I found out I was making myself sick. For a while life was pretty good...no stress, good sleep and I was great. But then this past few weeks I've been having trouble with my boyfriend. Works been stressful (curse you people who shop on black Friday!) And I've felt really alone. I know I have people here for me....But I'm still missing a huge piece. It hurts :-/
Needless to say..My stomach problems came back and I've been feeling really emotionally and physically exhausted.
I'm just all sorts of medical problems.
So young too. ::sigh::

Buuuut. I'm trying to be happy, and ignore my problems.
I went to Mexico. I ate my weight in tacos like usual, There was one moment when all the grown-ups (myself included finally. heck yes, bye-bye kiddies!! haha) were sitting at the table eating tacos from the place down the street, I have taken my last perfect bite, and everyone was smiling and happy..I think that was one of the most truly happiest moments of my life since I was 10. Its more special knowing that its only mine. I don't have to share.
I brought back lots of goodies for krissy, Who was home sick for Mexico herself.
Can you believe that for once I was actually legal, Like completely legal, and no one would let me drink! What the hell man! Its all good. I came home and had my share :)

Arazely is beautiful and growing. 16 pounds and 4 months. Smiling and such a personality. She's going to have an attitude when she's older..She'll be one of those kids who know she's pretty and can get what she wants cause she's so freakin cute. The worst kind, i know. But I know she'll appreciate all that she gets. In my eyes her and Krissy deserve the world so there is no limit...Maybe that's a bad thing but It makes me happy to spoil them. I get it from my mom. And Dad too. She got her ears pierced!! She looks sooo pretty with her little gold studs.

Work is fun when I don't have to work with the idiot. I have a few good friends there, people I'd actually keep in touch with if/when I leave. I still want the book store but I don't think I'm smart enough. My feet are killing me though and they've given me a shit load more hours...Cause its the holidays. I want the money but I don't wanna work for it...That's what hard work teaches you!


Annnnnyway. I'm sure you don't wanna read anymore. And I should probably go to bed..Gots work early tomorrow. Ugh.

Oh. And just cause she deserves to be mentioned in the greatness that is my journal I wanted to tell Carrie Thank You. She's been helping me a little while I have my mental break downs.

"But I'm the godmother!!"

This is my excuse for stealing the baby all the time :)

And spoiling her rotten.

 

Shes growing up already :(

She smiles and giggles and she doesn't cry when I hold her. Often. And when she does I go "ahhhhh" and she stops...Its pretty funny.

Shes gassy.

Shes still perfect.

 

Me on the other hand...I've been better.

I've been getting...panic attacks? I don't know.

Yesterday I had a real shitty day at work, And I came home and I was just tired and hungry, and when I was explaining it all to my parents I broke down. Just a few tears at first, then it got uncontrollable. I was shaking and sobbing and I couldn't breath and I felt numb. Then I got even more upset cause as much as I tried I couldn't stop and that just made it worse.

 

As much as I sleep its never enough.

Work is sucking, all my work buddies left. And they don't wanna hire more people which means I get more hours and while yeah cool more money...I really don't want to be there any more than I already am. I don't NEED the job, I just have it to get me outta the house. 

 

After that there isn't to much going on.

 

I've made a new friend. His name is Gil. I figure I should get that out there, If He's gonna be a part of my life you'll hear more of him and Don't want you to be all "who?"

He's hot. Just saying.... :-0

 

I have a psychiatrist appointment on Monday, Because like my mother, I am crazy. Only I have insomnia also. They put me on Lexapro but If I'm going thru what I'm going thru I don't think its working very well. And the sleeping pills stopped working, Actually they aren't even sleeping pills. I don't remember what they are but basically its just to calm me down, not put me to sleep.

 

I guess I'm done, not to much else is going on...Right now we are watching Zely so I'm gonna go steal her from mom....Cause I'm the godmother!! :)

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Babyyyyy!!!!!!

People say that birth is a Miracle.

While this may be true...

 

it is a very very not pretty miracle.

 

 

So Thursday the 17, i get off of work, Have dinner with my dad, and head on over to Krissy's, shes having the baby the next day. And she wanted me there with her, so I spent the night.

Her due date was on the 16th, but baby girl didn't wanna come out, apparently She was waiting for her Grandmas birthday.

That night...we're laying there talking about stuff. Next thing you know

 

"ow!"

 

"what?"

 

"cramp"

 

"oh...dude what if that was a contraction, that'd be funny cause its 12, so technically it's your moms birthday"

 

After 4 more "cramps" I had to make her go tell her mom. She didn't want to, she wanted to put make up on so she would look pretty when she had the baby.

 

"mom....happy birthday!! Will you take me to the hospital?"

 

so at one we show up at the hospital and they set her up.

It was me & Tia Vicky in the delivery room.

 

For most of the labor the drugs didn't even work on her! That's a long story of stupid doctors.

Me and Tia were a complete mess, Its scary seeing someone who you know is sooo strong, hurting so bad and theres absolutely nothing you can do.

Then skipping all the gross stuff, with me on one side and tia on the other...my beeeeautiful Arazely came!!

 

9 freakin pounds!

Hee...told you she'd be fat.

 

After the baby was out it was still horrible for krissy. She tore REALLY bad...and again, stupid doctors didn't fix her up right. She ended up having an anxiety attack. After it all Krissy fell asleep before she was able to feed the baby...So guess what??

 

 

 

 

I got to give her her first meal :)

One of the coolest moments ever.

 

Krissy is feeling ok, she still hurts more than she'll let on but shes strong.

Shes got no Idea how proud everyone is of her, me especially.

 

And the baby, shes absolutely gorgeous. And really funny. I don't think anyone can get enough of her. So far I've done everthing but change her Diaper. I'm scared to do that lol. Shes soft, and smells like baby, shes got tons of hair!! Shes perfect :)

 

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A phone conversation with Ryan...

 

I'm gonna go to the bathroom then go to bed.

 

*...go to bed?

 

Yes. I'm sooooo tired. I went to my grandmothers house and helped cut down a tree.

 

* your grandmothers?

 

Yeah the white one.

 

*hahahaha the white one??

 

Well its true!! She is!!!

 

*yeah but that's funny.

 

Ok, well love you! goodnight!

 

*love you, night

 

K

 

*WAIT

 

Huh?

 

*Huh?

 

Huh?

 

*Huh?

 

Huh?

 

*ohhhhhhh bye.

 

Ok.

 

 

 

 

Chickens and Cows can too dance!!

 

 

 

I go to my friend "Funky chickens and dancing cows!!!"

 

He says "ohhhh i want steak and chicken!!"

 

....That's as interesting as it gets.

 

I made baby shower invitations for Kristy, they needed help getting started so I offered to help with that.

And they came out freakin awesome. They look all professional!

Yes, I AM bragging.

I worked for 10 hrs straight on them, i got mad cause the bows wouldn't come out so I'd have to re-do it.

But the look on my aunts face when she saw them made that work totally worth it.

:)

 

Then I downloaded a bunch of Princess songs for the baby shower, since its princess theme.

I got soooo sick of the love songs! I'm sure the Disney princesses had to get Angry every now and then, why didn't they ever sing about that?!?! And now I have some Pocahontas song stuck in my head.

Gar.

 

 

Being stuck in this house is driving me insane.

Everyone always comes over here, which i love, but then it never gives me a chance to get out. Its really frustrating. And then when I say something I hear "wanna go to HEB?".

Sooooon I will have a job, a license, and then i wont want to go out cause the job makes me tired and gas is to much.

Isnt life wonderful?

 

Yep.

 

 

 

Pictures & stuff

 

I finally have pictures :)

 

Did you look at the pictures?

 

Go look!!

 

NOW!

 

 

 

 

So you wanna hear stupid?

Erick pulled the "lets just be friends" line on me.

Which I was totally fine with, I learned my lesson when i just jumped into a relationship, i did that last time and looked what happened. Lets NOT try it again. But then it got all awkward. We're still friends, and we still talk, but now I feel like I have to watch everything I do or say, I cant send him a random email saying something stupid cause I don't know how he'll take it. And its mostly me that feels that way, it isnt like he's doing anything, but still. ::sigh:: There goes another one. Doesn't that suck.

 

Krissy is due next month. I'm scared for her. She made me watch some stupid birthing video with her and now I am completely grossed out. And scared....she better take the drugs. She wants a natural birth and I think she is absolutely insane.

 

Who's heard that Katy Perry song? "I kissed a girl"

If you haven't, go listen.

And then when you're doing laundry and realize you are singing that stupid song, I will laugh at you.

 

OH. MY. GOD.

 

**** BRAIN  I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY PERIOD****

 

Ok.

So.

I go to Six Flags with my cousins Andy, Diego, My dad & My brothers. Only I'm on my period, and brilliant me doesn't bring a spare pad.

Well, they made me go on a water ride. DAMN!

Then they wanted me to go to the water park. DOUBLE DAMN....

And of course I'm a go with the flow - non-party-pooper type person. Fine. So I have to go into this store and ask if they sell tampons, I'm completely relieved cause its a chick (at 6 flags there is a large amount of good looking guys working there)...but then she says no.

So i have to go to another store, and to my complete horror.....Its a guy, my age, and completely hot.

oh.my.god.

But, because I have a loving father, he sees my face and goes and asks if they sell them. And for some reason, the guy looks RIGHT AT ME.

again.

OHMYGOD.

Then he smiles. Kill me now?

That's when i turn around and leave.

Then my dad comes out practically waving the thing around. Wonderful.

 

 

***OK BRAIN I"M DONE***

 

I babysat Valencia today, We played dress up (who cares if shes barely two! She loves her tutu!!) and then I gave her a lollipop which was the funniest thing ever. Her mouth was all green.

I guess I'm done. I have nothing else to talk about Unless you wanna hear about killer cramps and idiot boys, which really, who wants that?

Dont touch the bunny!!

You...are now reading the journal of an official 18 year old. You're so cool. :-p

 

Thank you for all my birthday wishes :)

 

This was the first year that everyone in my family actually said happy birthday to me. Whoa.

 

Last night Adrian came in at 12 and sang me happy birthday, it was cute :)

 

Anyways...I couldn't sleep, so as any normal person would do at one in the morning I'm writing an entry.

 

There aren't any pictures yet cause we didn't really do anything today, I went to the movies with my friend Erick (JUST a friend! Gosh!! For now anyways. Kidding!!!!....OR am I?? hmmmm) and he made me a cd for my birthday with a bunch of punk bands on it. Cool.

It was kind of pathetic. I was paranoid I'd run into Jackass. I hate how hes ruined so much for me :-/

Oh well. Knowing so many people want to severely hurt him, really does make me feel better. ::giggle::

But I did have fun, we went to see Iron Man, and he laughed at my stupid jokes, and actually talked back. I hate when the most people can offer is a "yeah".

Speaking of movies.

I went to see Shutter, my very first scary movie in a theater, with my mom a few days ago. I didn't think it was very scary, but it was fun, I always get jumpy & giggle alot whenever I see scary movies.

And some old dude was sitting alone in the back of the theater, with a stuffed bunny...He was a little too friendly with that bunny.

Poor bunny. It will never be the same now. How sad.

I had to tell one of the employees to wear gloves when he went to clean up theater 8..so as to not touch the bunny. He just looked at me funny and said ok. I hope he doesn't think I did it. Ew.

 

Lets see...What else..My party is on Saturday...Yay!

 

The evil doctor has denied me my sleeping pills and Lexapro.

I think that's why I've been feeling gross. Cause I havent been taking them. I'm fine without the sleeping pills, I didn't take them every night anyway. I hope I'm fine without the Lexapro. I didn't see much of a difference, but then I dunno. I don't wanna like start stressing big time again. Eh.

 

I guess I'm done.

I'm starting to get boring, its ok, I can take the truth. :-p

 

 

I dont know who this is, but this picture makes me laugh. I always knew something was scary about Ronald!

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WooHoo!

I'm legal!!

Celebrate with me as you wish.  I shall be adding party pictures eventually.

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